Admitting Defeat

I am not the kind of person who sits still. Infact this time of year I am usually at the doctor several times for exhaustion with a repeat from him saying that maybe I should just slow down just a little bit. I mean, getting ready for the holidays, running a company, keeping up the house, playing mom taxi six days a week for sports and private lessons and homeschooling while my husband is traveling for work may be a little bit too much sometimes. All of this said as I did these things healthy in years past.

This year has thrown us the biggest curveball ever on to what was already a packed schedule. Every year I have asked for a final diagnosis and this year, I got one in Lupus and Ehlers Danlos Sydrome. The problem has been in the treatment of the Lupus. I am taking what is basically a pill form of chemo and it is WRECKING my world right now. Between the vomiting and body pain and exhaustion and chills and fevers, I am officially waving a giant white flag for the remainder of 2024.

I absolutely love all of my clients and all my heart wants to do right now is go do all of these holiday sessions but my body currently has other ideas. I was supposed to do a session with one of my favorite families tonight and I just don't have the energy which is so frustrating for me. I never slow down, I never stop... but this year I am being forced to. I have had a few ER visits frorm vomiting being too much and I am having to be careful about who I am around during flu and covid seaosn. So with the deepest regret, I am taking the remainder of 2024 off to try and rebuild my body and strength. I will do the sessions that I have already booked, which should only be four more sessions but my body just can't handle more than that for the moment.

At the end of the day I need to be a mom first and make sure I am taking care of myself to do that. Things like homeschool can be done from the bed or sofa. Online shopping can be done in the palm of my hand and the kids can help me when Justin is gone. As I sat and made my pros and cons list about what is the most important, right now I landed on that I need to throw what energy I have to the kids and my family .

My hope is to get better or get used to this "new norrmal" and find what works for me coming into 2025. My understanding is that I will start to feel better after Christmas and I have been tracking my "good hours" through out the day and am hoping that a constant trend continues and that I will be able to make a schedule that works for me. Photography fuels my heart and soul so I do not have any intentions of quitting by any means, I just need to make sure that my family and clients get the best versions of me possible, but for now, I rest.